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Daily I seek you everywhere
Frantically seeking to find
So precious and dear to me
Persistent on my mind
There is no way I will desert you
No such option exists
I will continue to look for you
While my life persists
I will uncover every track
Turning over every stone
When I have found all of you
All will then be known
It’s now become all too clear to me
I need never seek to find
For you remain in every part of me
Totally embedded in my mind
I feel your presence so strongly
That my heart is sure to burst
Consequently I must step carefully
Otherwise all will be submersed
And if for one second I should dare forget
I would feel that dreadful pang
That dreadful deep, deep regret
How did this ever come to hand?
Meanwhile, triggered by markers you remain
The games you played
The places you stayed
The lines you wrote
The words you spoke
The shares you bought
The answers you sought
The things you thought
The thoughts you fought
And all the while,
I find you while I’m dreaming and while I’m wide awake
I find you while I’m talking and while I take a break
I find you while I’m in a crowd and while I’m all alone
I find you while I’m standing and while I’m sitting down
I find you in every word I read and every word I write
I find you in every word I hear and every word I speak
I find you in every bite I eat and every drop I drink
I find you in every breathe I take and everything I think
I find you in everything I love and everything I hate
I find you in everything I plan and everything that’s fate
I find you in everything that I can and cannot do
I find you in everything that meant something to you
I find you in every truth and every lie we tell
I find you in every certainty and paradox as well
I find you in every idiosyncrasy and all those crazy fads
I find you in every person you knew; every friend you ever had
I find you when I’m sad and blue
I find you when happiness occasionally shines through
I find you when I’m driving along
I find you when I’ve been distracted for too long
I find you in illness and health
I find you in seriousness and wit
I find you in sorrow and joy
I find you in anger and peace
I find your face pinned on every notice board
I find your name in every journal read
I find your charm in every photo taken
I find your joy in every video made
I still see you,
In the refrigerator looking for something to eat
Using the dog to sniff out Mum’s hidden treats
Dining out on a diverse range of culinary feasts
Or formulating your own gastronomic feats
Gone when chores are meant to be done
Straight and tall while sprinting at full run
Glued to your computer until the morning sun
Returning the computer game for a full and total refund
I still hear you,
Grinding your teeth throughout the night
Christmas gift screams of pure delight
Struggling for air held by Asthma tight
That crushing silent despair without respite
I still feel you,
Quietly confident of your own right and might
Overwhelmed by earth and human plight
Desperately grappling with wrong and right
Continually aspiring to an ever greater height
Chemicals that would make a difference you sought
The answers lay with hydrogen you thought
Destroyed acid washed lab coats newly bought
So much work has all come to nought
A mind so keen and altogether green
Always understanding, never mean
Fighting to be seen to be lean
Trying desperately to portray an appearance clean and pristine
You were the perfect son and the perfect friend
Happy with mum and dad to contend
Your presence was all that was ever needed
Our respect and love for you always heeded
Although you seep from my every pore
I constantly crave that little more
And as I continue to seek to find
You continue to travel around my mind
Sometimes like a salve keeping me sane
More often a bullet tearing up my brain
Exposing and heightening passions anew
I have always known them to be you
I scatter the pieces on the floor
And begin a life long arduous chore
Of anointing each and every piece
By careful placement so as not to crease
Instinctively some know their place
While others demand additional grace
Needing to be repeatedly picked up and put down
Yet others still remain to be found
Slowly the void begins to fill
Composed of tiny meaningless stills
And an image previously concealed
Finally your perfect image will be revealed
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