Dear Dad,

Just letting you know that I won’t be coming home anymore
I’ve taken everything I need,
You’re welcome to the rest
I know I’ve done this without consulting you
But it was my decision alone to make
Things were becoming unbearable
My emotions are so screwed up
I can’t take it anymore
I have to get away
Please look after the birds
I love you all, Mum, Dad, Sister and Brother
I know this will upset you all very badly
Even destroy the family
Until now I’ve remained at home for the family’s sake
I know that leaving is a selfish act
I’m doing this for me
So Goodbye for now
I hope to see you again one day
Your Loving Son

Simon-Peter

PS If you are reading this I’ve already gone

To  Simon-Peter (Address Unknown)

Dear Simon-Peter,

We haven’t heard from you since you left
I wake up nights wondering where you are
Your absence is so intolerable it consumes every minute of my every day
I love and miss you so very much
I have turned into a Zombie, one of the living dead
My mind and body want to run but there is nowhere to run
I know this is all about my wishes not yours
But so was bringing you into this world in the first place
Please come home son, we’ll start anew!
I don’t care what you are as long as you are you
I won’t pester you with questions if that’s what you want
I can understand your difficulty and that to you there seemed no other way
But leaving seemed such a drastic action to take
I did everything I thought would help you
All I wanted was a normal life for you
Did I get it all wrong?
Is it something I did that drove you away?
Or perhaps something I didn’t do?
Or simply my stupidity in totally misunderstanding you?

Is it because I didn’t hug you that time?
It was because I wanted you to have a girlfriend not because I didn’t want to!
Was discussing your condition and trying to give advice a bad thing to do?
Would it have helped if we moved out to the country?
Did hesitating to buy your medication that day upset you?
Should I have not encouraged you at school and university?
Should I have forced you to physically go to class everyday?
Should I have not written the letter about change?
Should I have made those phone calls for you?
Should I have gone down to the shop with you that day?
Should I not have commented on how you ran?
Should I not have been so frank about the realities of the world?
Should I not have spoken about the selfishness and action of individuals and leaders?
I apologise for the bad genes you always complained about
If any of these upset you in the slightest I take them all back
I am a man of few words
Often I didn’t know how to handle the situation so I simply stood by
I hope you picked it up from my deeds
I always wanted to be with you
I want to be part of your family as your children grow up
I want to be part of your success
I am extremely proud of you
I was always there for you
You were always there for me, maybe you shouldn’t have been

I wanted to be the best dad because you were the best son
When you were young you were always so confident and so happy
Consequently it carried me through my difficult times
You were my crutch especially in awkward situations
I had no ambitions for myself they were only for you
Now what am I to do?
My love for you is as always unconditional
You are the embodiment of my life and love
You are a cocoon totally encapsulating my life
The highest currency in my life is you
And its highest valued coins are your smile, happiness and well being
Just seeing you is ecstasy
Your ecstasy is my ecstasy
Your sorrow is mine
Your joy is mine
Your screams of joy remain imprinted in me as does the sorrow of your doleful face
I watched only you on the sports field
I clapped only for you up on the stage

Your birth was such an exceptional and amazing event
We gave you anything that would bring a smile on your face
We love you more than anything and everything
We love you far too much for anything to get in the way
We will give you anything and everything even if we have to borrow
We got you the best medical attention
In the last days before you left I was so frantic I couldn’t think straight
I didn’t know how else to help
I just watched and watched but you fooled me and slipped away

Why couldn’t you have stayed?

Your Loving Dad